FYI: THIS WILL BE A LONG POST BUT I FEEL IT IS WORTH THE READ I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME!

I was recently invited to participate in a book memoir that includes me sharing a personal story of my choice from my past that I can reflect back on as a stupid decision but ultimately gained wisdom from in the end. It is a 2-volume memoir that seeks to empower women of all genres and ages by sharing real-life asinine experiences of what not to do.  Volume 1 is called “Stupid Girl”..Memoirs of a woman” and Volume 2 is entitled “Wise Woman”: .Instructions to Greatness”. This volume set seeks to galvanize women by sharing real-life decisions that lead to making empowered decisions. 

 Basically I had to share a story that I can now look back on and say “wow what a stupid decision I made” : stupid defined as Selfish, Thoughtless, Unmoldable, Prideful, Ignorant and Dumb! It took me 3days to think of a story (experience) to share that I genuinely felt was not only relatable to young women but a story where I gained true wisdom in the journey as well… but it finally came to me. Below is the story I decided to share (For the purpose of this post I did it in Q&A format for easier understanding) enjoy….

Question1: What is ONE experience that looking back was the most “STUPIDEST” Decision that you made. (Stupid Girl) 

 If you had told me in the 12th grade of high school that I would NOT still be friends with the same people 10 yrs later who I so affectionately called “sister” or “BestFriend” at that time I would have told you get out of my ear with that blatant lying! These friendships will last forever!!! I am sure if you asked all my friends they would all have their own variation of how they interpreted our friendship but I can only testify to mine.

I mean these are not just anybody, I kept (and still do lol) a really small circle and these are people who I had known as my dearest friends felt as though they were my family in a sense. These are people who I had known since the elementary school we were able to remain friends all through our adolescent years, our family was friendly with each other, we attended church together, vacationed together, shared our deepest secrets etc. 

Now here me out, I had heard of the analogy “some people come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime and you have to discern which is which.” However, I did not “get it” until many years later, I naively felt it would not apply directly to my circle and myself absolutely not because everyone was here for a lifetime period! I was not alone because if you had asked most of my graduating class from high school they felt the same way at the time, everyone would still be cool with their “circle” no questions about it!

Now of course, teachers, fellow mentors and adults attempted to gently caution us that it is not usual for friendships to fall by the wayside and diminish after high school especially with everyone going separate ways in our next chapter into what we referred to as the “real world” so we should mentally be prepared for that transition. At the time, I was too immature to receive that information as it simply wasn’t an option in my mind because I would not dare be forced to cut off my childhood friends because having some kind of “friend” was better than not having one at all right?

Unfortunately, over the years between 19-21yr those warnings would come to pass and not necessarily over a specific incident but simply due to us growing apart, unhealthy relationships, lies, disloyalty, drug and alcohol abuse, distance, and my personal favorite * insert sarcasm* lack of communication all played a factor.  Some grew closer to God *COUGH* lol some did not, some matured overall and some did not. It went from loving friendships to destructive and condescending associations between us. It lead me to have to make not only one of the hardest decisions ever but one of the best I ever made. I had to bid my closet friends whom I considered family farewell. 

(sounds like a romantic relationship huh? Lol well I found out all relationships whether romantic, friendly, or professional/business are based off the same merits. Friendships that are worth having are just like relationships, you have to do your part and put in some time, be loving, unselfish, sensitive, and forgiving even when someone gets caught up  in life…which happens to us all)

Question2: What would the “NEW YOU TODAY” SAY to “the STUPID YOU OF YOUR PAST? Wisdom (New You Today)

 Your friends impact your decisions more than you know. Your path is shaped by partnership and to think any other way is not being honest with yourself. Every friend you have in your life is a mirror and I woke up one day and was unhappy with what I was seeing in that mirror. If you want to know what you value, sound like, talk like, walk like, just look at your closet friends. Show me your friends, I’ll show you your future. 

Do you know if I could do if over again I would not change a single part of our friendship or that journey. I would not dare rewrite that story. I cherish every single good and bad memory I have. Believe me there were some real good times I loved my friends and still do. I thank them for those experiences and wish them well as it has contributed to the woman I am still growing to be. 

People can change but you cannot change people. When you realize the value of faith and self-worth simply pray for the serenity to accept what can’t be changed. When you can be completely content in a party of one by yourself, you have conquered a peace only God can give and inner joy that no one can take. Tough times don’t exist only tests of faith and spiritual transitions. While fear prolongs tests, faith brings transition and you control both.

 Question3:  What is ONE experience that looking back was the most “WISEST” Decision that you made. (Wisest Decision I Made)

Me choosing to end my “friendships” was not only one of the hardest decisions ever but one of the wisest I ever made. I had to bid my closet friends whom I considered family farewell. People will use God to justify any situation, feel free to take some responsibility. I had to take responsibility over the direction my life was going in and make some critical changes and unfortunately cutting ties with friends who were not beneficial to my spiritual path and growth was one of those changes.